As we all know, Americans are known across not only our own great land, but also across the world, as the biggest and most obese set of slobs in all of the world. But hey, with states like Texas offering up 6 pound steak challenges and shows like Man vs. Food existing, its hard to argue that this is true. Just ask Adam Richman. The man’s decomposition was on display for the whole country to see through the first three seasons of the show where he got more chins and more haggard in every episode. So much so, he had to give up the gig during the 4th season and allow other local fatties to do the challenges.
With belts expanding more and more, the most likely culprit remains over indulgence at America’s thousands of fast food dives and local eateries. While some places offer better options than others, it has been found by the Fast Food Geek staff that one restaurant tops them all in calories, fats, saturated fats, sodium, and cholesterol alike. And this restaurant is none other than the southwestern bar and grill, Chili’s.
I have nothing against Chili’s, and I eat there quite a bit. I used to eat there more, but I’ve come to the realization long ago, it was contributing heavily to an earlier and earlier death. The continuous heart burn and waves of stomach pains could only mean one thing: Chili’s food is god awful for you. It tastes amazing, and always provides mounds and mounds of flavorful options, and their chips and salsa are unparalleled in the industry, but when you serve a salad that has 1300 calories and 87 grams of fat (Quesadilla Explosion) the world has a right to know. I have no idea how Chili’s does it, whether its a double basting of butter, or just the richest sauces known to man, or even just dipping every piece of food in a vat of trans fats, these nutritional facts are out of control.
So for all of you out there who frequent your local Chili’s I wanted to give you a staggering report on the most outrageous items on the menu and give you a substitute option that won’t kill you as quickly. Keep in mind that a days worth of calories is 2000, 65 g for fat, 20 g for saturated fat, 300 mg for cholesterol, and 2400 mg for sodium. So here we go:
Awful Waffle: Texas Cheese Fries w/ Chili & Ranch
This appetizer, yes appetizer packs 2,120 calories, an atrocious 144 grams of fat, 69 grams of saturated fat, and over 5900 mg of sodium. Even if you split this you’d have over a whole days worth of fat, saturated fat, and sodium in an appetizer! If you order this appetizer, you better have the whole kid’s soccer team with you to eat it. This was actually a tough decision considering the 88 grams of fat in the Boneless Buffalo Wings, 84 grams of fat in the Guacamole and Chips, an absolutely atrocious 51 grams of fat in the Chips and Salsa, and the 103 grams of fat in the Hot Spinach and Artichoke Dip.
Slim Trim: Nothing
With no regular appetizer having less than 35 grams of fat (Fried Cheese w Marinara) it’s honestly better off to skip getting an appetizer.
Awful Waffle: Quesadilla Explosion Salad
This salad will make your ass explode, simply put. With 1300 calories, 87 grams of fat, and 28 grams of saturated fat, one could only wonder how this is considered a salad at all. It sounds more like a lard based bomb in your gut.
Slim Trim: House Salad with Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing
|House Salad nestled between bowls of grease and grime|
Somehow Chili’s still manages to dabble in 11 grams of fat into a salad with no meat, I’m under the impression this cheese is made with the wholest of whole milks, but this is your best bet.
Awful Waffle: Pretty much the entire menu
With a half rack of Original Ribs having 1140 calories and 63 grams of fat, 7 of 10 sandwiches having over 64 grams of fat, all 8 burgers having over 65 grams of fat with the Jalapeño Smokehouse having 144 grams, the Flame Grilled Ribeye having 111 grams of fat, Bacon Ranch Quesadilla in either steak or chicken having triple digit fat numbers, its almost impossible to pick one out of the bunch to be the worst. All I know is that if you go into a dining experience at Chili’s the least bit uneducated about their nutrition, you could easily end up with a long weekend’s worth of fat in a single dish.
Slim Trim: Salmon with Garlic & Herbs
The only entree on the menu with under 500 calories. Still packs 17 grams of fat, but considering the wasteland of nutrition we’ve already seen so far, this is a slam dunk if you can call it that.
Awful Waffle: Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie
I can’t even believe I’m discussing dessert considering the vast amounts of obese inducing dishes already discussed, but here goes anyway. The Paradise Pie, like its name suggests packs a pounding in your pantaloons. Weighing in at 1240 calories and 64 grams of fat, this dessert should be split into a dozen pieces before it is served to the public. The average person literally doesn’t stand a chance.
Slim Trim: Nothing
Please for the love of God skip dessert. Nothing to pick from with the Molten Cake, Brownie Sundae, and Cheese cake weighing in at over 42 grams of fat.
So there you have it. I honestly don’t know how the FDA hasn’t shut down Chili’s. If I walked into the local establishment, ordered the Texas Cheese Fries as an app, got a half rack of ribs, and a paradise pie for dessert, I would have consumed over 5400 calories and over 270 grams of fat. How do they not have wheelbarrows at the front of the restaurant to wheel people out of there?
Can you also believe at the top of the Chili’s Nutritional PDF, where I found all this information, they have the audacity to claim that “Along with many favorite indulgences on the Chili’s menu, our great tasting, quality food can be part of a well balanced diet”. I’m pretty sure this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen, bar none. Can I take legal action against this statement? The only balancing you’ll have is balancing your medical bills after you get diabetes, heart disease, and a quad bypass in one fell swoop after eating at Chili’s regularly. Fast Food Geek Out.
~Fast Food Geek