The subway $5 footlong sub of the month for January is the Chipotle Chicken & Cheese. According to subway propaganda this sub is being billed as: “Tender, juicy chicken and meltalicious cheese with a pop of Chipotle Southwest Sauce for a creamy, smoky, subtly spicy taste sensation” But they have the audacity to suggest that its like fireworks for your taste buds.

The sub in every single picture suggests that this should be ordered on the flatbread, and it also appears to recommend a minimum of green peppers and onions. I followed all the cues and got mine as suggested and also went ahead and added spinach and jalapeño peppers to add a little more southwest flair. It was a bold risk since I was already warned to expect tastebud fireworks, but I’m a bold man.

To no real surprise, the sub was virtually tasteless. The paper boats that Subway’s “grilled chicken” resides in must suck all of the flavor out of the chicken because if I closed my eyes and tasted a piece, I would never in a million years guess it was chicken. Add to the fact that the “Chipotle Southwest Sauce” is also entirely flavorless, I found myself with a footlong of flaccid tasteless flatbread. There honestly is not even a subtle hint of “chipotle,” they must add one pepper to every 100 gallons of this stuff back at the subway sauce plant: not smoky, not subtly spicy, and certainly not a taste sensation.

Two things have bothered me for years about subway: the overwhelming onion taste/smell of their onions, and their movie theater pricing scheme.

I don’t know how they do it, they must soak their onions in onion juice for years before shipping to the stores. If you plan on eating back at work or around anyone you remotely respect as a human you almost have to get no onions. It is inevitable that someone around you will say “something smells like onions” and you’re relationship will forever be tarnished.
They employ the $4.75 for a small, $5.00 for a medium and $5.25 for a large popcorn scheme. No one in their right mind would not throw in the .50 and upgrade from 10 pieces of popcorn to 10 million. But you end up with way more than you ever want.  Popcorn for days. At subway you can get a 6″ sub for 4.50 or TWICE AS MUCH FOOD for $5. And to further ruin your day, subway somehow has engineered all of their produce to decay within 12 hours of being added to your sandwich. This makes the “order a footlong and save the other half for lunch tomorrow” technique almost impossible.
Get better chicken, get better sauce. Sandwich will fill you up for not much money, but your tastebuds will hate you