As the holiday season approaches, you might be looking for a last minute gift item for that man in your life. The classic gifts for men have always included the likes of sports memorabilia, clothes, wallets, the occasional big screen tv, and of course cologne. As we all know, smell is one the strongest of the senses. Its been scientifically proven that the sense of smell brings back memories better than any of the senses. Finally a sense the colorblind can handle. This is precisely the reason everyone and their brother is in the fragrance industry, even Michael Jordan has a sweaty gym session induced scent roaming the shelves of Gabriel’s still. It was only a matter of time until the fast food industry got into the action. Think about this for a second and let it process, yes Burger King has done precisely this with their new cologne body spray Flame.
The discovery has to be credited to my mother, who found a three sentence blurb reporting on this creation in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. I couldn’t believe my eyes, ears, or nose. But this is for real. To give you an idea of what this body spray is really about I will quote word for word Burger King’s descriptions:
“The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”
Apparently the essence of love has nothing to do with romance anymore than a sirloin or a pork chop does. The product is being exclusively distributed through a halloween store in New York known as Ricky’s, some of the comments regarding the product are truly priceless. Including the harrowing tale of man and his experience with feminine nostril flaring in the deli department and a man being chased by dogs. It sells for a whopping $3.99 and unfortunately is currently sold out. For one of the best moments of your life I highly suggest you go to check it out on BK’s new website dedicated to the cologne. Balls on burger king for fumbling one on that url, it would have been 34% more enjoyable had they spelled meets with an “a”.
This website proves without a shadow of a doubt that this fragrance does in fact exist and is all too real. Burger King spent money and resources from research and development, to create a cologne for men that would truly drive the girls wild. One that smells like meat. I know every girl I’ve ever known wants their man to smell like he just rolled out of the BK lounge, Whopper pants and all. Burger King hopelessly went over the edge with this website, with a soulful man whispering sweet nothings like nobody’s business. Images include, chocolate covered strawberries, the King lounging on a bearskin rug and uttering the magical words “Stop, drop and rolllll”, and then a rather disturbing clip of a man writing a love letter entirely in french. Someone needs to decipher this letter, one can only imagine the hidden innuendo and naughty one liners Burger King included to further merge the idea of love making and burgers. Lets just say I’ll never think of deep tissue massages again without hearing the words “oh so good” going through my subconscious.
I don’t know about you, but I have never in my wildest dreams thought to myself, wow I’m really having trouble attracting women, I should really get some lunch meat and rub it all over my body. I might be crazy, but that never crossed my mind. Are woman really attracted to men who smell like flame broiled beef? I can’t think of any time in the history of civilization post shower that the idea of flame broiled meat would turn a girl on.
It is impossible for me to explain the pure hilarity this entire concept brings to g&gg, so I strongly suggest anyone and everyone to get together with friends and family alike, to take in the experience. This could truly be the holiday of beef.
If anyone has any inside information about where we get our hands on this cologne, whether its through ebay or a blackmarket let us know either in the comments or by writing us up at firstname.lastname@example.org Also if there are any females out there who can declare their love for burger scented man flesh, feel free to leave a comment as well.
In other news, g&gg reader Fillet broke news to me about McDonald’s going gimmick style with the angus third pounders already. We saw in our initial review there was a “special” flap on the burger holster and they sure didn’t waste any time in putting it to use. In quite possibly the longest title for a gimmick sandwich in fast food history McDonald’s is set to unveil the New Angus Chipotle BBQ Bacon Third Pounder. While a visual thats savable is currently impossible to find, the site for this monstrosity can be found here. Upon first glance, it looks eerily similar to current bacon and cheese variety with a smooth and tangy sauce on top.
I was so excited that I woke up early on a Sunday to drive over to the nearest McDonald’s. I went up and asked for “That new chipotle angus burger”. Much to my dismay the employee had a bewildered look of horror on her face. She said that she’s never even heard of such a thing. I told her that I heard about it and she looked at me as if I were speaking in tongues of blasphemy. In other words, they don’t even have it yet, but when they do this particular employee will think of me as a prophet. Well not quite.
So enjoy all of the links, especially BK’s official Flame site. I look forward to hearing your comments and I’ll be back as soon as I can get my hands on that Angus.
Happy holidays and until the next sauce,