For eons and eons, there has only been one true colossus of clout when it comes to condiments: Tomato Ketchup. Pureed tomatoes, sugar, and some spices, thats pretty much all there was to it. It was simple enough, and complaints were far and few to come by. Sure there was always that negative Ned complaining that ketchup was too tomatoey or that overweigh Oliver who thinks it isn’t rich and flavorful enough, or even that sauce snob that turns up his nose at such an unsophisticated goo to dip his potato wedges in. But for my money, which is none, because ketchup is universally given away in most any establishment, ketchup is in the great hall of sauce.
Since its creation Heinz has been the gold standard for ketchup. There are imitations (jokes) such as Hunts “Catsup” and Del Monte Ketchup, but if you ask most anyone who has tried the classic “57” there is no true competition. Some evangelists have even stormed out of restaurants who are serving inferior tomato paste, attempting to send the message that Heinz is king. But sure enough, even the most successful and most profitable companies, get bored, and will release risky gimmicks. Hell, that’s what keeps FFG alive. But sure enough, Heinz is no different, famously flopping harder than Pig Spit at a barmitzvah, with different colored ketchups back in the early 00’s. As we noted in a news release before, Heinz is now releasing a new promotional ketchup with balsamic vinegar laced throughout. I took the liberties and ordered some off of their Facebook page, and it arrived recently. After some field testing, I’m finally ready to report my findings.
Arriving cased up in padded cylinders, I started having trouble believing I ordered a condiment and not vials of plutonium. After an unwrapping process that felt like a gift wrapped by Aunt Gladys, I finally came in contact with the bottle. Classically encased in the glass bottle you’ve struggled with in restaurants for years, the Balsamic Vinegar variety label is sleek, sexy, cool (Calvin Klein). I don’t know what the plan was with the marketing, but the bottle comes off as an upscale delicacy, destined only for the most refined pallets in all the land.
So for all of you connected to Facebook, head on over to Heinz’s page and order as much of this stuff as you can. Heinz is apparently starting to distribute this offering in select stores starting in December. I for one, really hope that this stuff is here to stay, but if it’s not, I’ll be sure to stock up on this stuff like toilet paper at a taco eating contest. So go ahead and enjoy the new frontier of tomato ketchup, dip, dunk, and dive away!
Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended with Balsamic Vinegar: 4/5
Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended with Balsamic Vinegar: