For years I have fallen victim to the dreaded impulse buy like no one else in history. Falling for every trick in the book, including impromptu candy at line queues in Best Buy, unintended magazines at grocery store lines, but mostly (and most damaging) last minute value menu add ons at fast food eateries. Someday’s I just go into stores and wander around pondering what ill fated items I can purchase that will gouge my wallet and pride.
Such a fate was bestowed upon me yesterday. Rolling up to Dunkin’ Donuts for the Mint Hot Chocolate
I reviewed earlier today, the corner of the menu glimmered and shined through my retinas like a beacon of freedom. There it was, the Warm Cinnamon Swirl Muffin. An item, I had never wanted, and never knew about thanks to Dunkin’ porous website, was suddenly the center of my attention, the apple of my eye, if you will. Without even letting the picture process to my brain, I blurted out to the speaker something about a hot swirly pastry. Let me note that I ordered this item BEFORE the item I came intending to purchase. I truly am the Fast Food marketer’s dreamboy.
Comparing this muffin’s girth to that of the Wendy’s one I recently had, I would have to say that Dunkin’ one was way more bulbous. Amplified and billowing over the top of the pastry’s pantaloons, this muffin was either injected with HGH, or its mother cross bread with a pizza. The muffin also looks eerily similar to the advertisement, a rare accomplishment that shocks me more than when your grandma saw Pulp Fiction.
Unwrapping the muffin wrapper with the enthusiasm and grace of a gorilla peeling his noon hour nanner, I was overwhelmed with carbohydrates. Biting in, I reacted to the crispy sugar lumps, confectioners sugar, and cinnamon bursts intermingled throughout the muffin’s inner core. Not only more ample and buoyant than the Wendy’s competition, but almost more flavorful. The numerous textures and abundant girth left my stomach satisfied and my pallet intrigued.
While I still think Dunkin’ Donut’s website design is more confused than Chaz Bono at a urinal*, they keep pumping out highly flavorful and appetite crushing items left and right. So when it comes to finding gimmicks at Dunkin’ you might have to take the grass roots approach and traverse to the store to find their new items, but whenever you unearth that golden gazelle, it’ll be well worth your while.
Dunkin’ Donuts: Warm Cinnamon Swirl Muffin 4/5 stars
You fry em, we try em,
*Joke was shamelessly borrowed (stolen) from Frank Caliendo